The Greatest Disappointments of the Year Thus Far

Shirley Bassey

Welcome to the first edition of our new series, Greatest Disappointments of the Year! In this inaugural rundown, we’ll be going through our most painful memories from January through early April. And yes, as you’ll come to see very quickly, we live sheltered, spoiled lives.

Ike’s Picks:

The discovery that Beyonce lip-synced the national anthem at Obama’s inauguration.

Ordering hot and spicy boneless strips from Bonchon and getting soy garlic strips instead.

The Niners losing to Pope Ray Lewis and his Ravens.

The Lakers being back in playoff contention.

Steph Curry exploding for 54 points… then getting blocked ON A JUMP SHOT BY RAYMOND FELTON in the closing minutes of the game.

Danilo Gallinari’s ACL tear. The Nuggets were about to be the most exciting playoff team in years.

Myself, for being too much of a pussy to see Amour, which will likely cause me to cry and shrivel up into the fetal position, but which will likely also be the actual best picture of the past year.

Ordering Five Guys cajun fries and getting regular fries instead.

My rediscovery of Alicia Keys’s first album and the subsequent realization that her new material absolutely pales in comparison. Also: finding out that people disliked her Super Bowl performance. (Related addition from Avinash: realizing that Brian McKnight’s Pro Bowl national anthem was better than Alicia Keys’s Super Bowl rendition.)

Being unable to catch D’Angelo and Questlove at the Brooklyn Bowl.

Kyrie Irving’s inability to stay healthy. (Related addition from Avinash: tears.)

My excessive spending on weekends. Although that happens every week so whatever.

My failure to try out the new limited-time-only Lays Sriracha-flavored chips.

The Grammys being the Grammys. Except for the Juanes and Kelly Clarkson performances, and Prince’s epic entrance.

People’s dumbfounding overreaction to and lambasting of the Harlem Shake videos. That said, I recently had a long discussion about all the backlash with a couple friends, and the general conclusion was that while I may be able to separate the original dance from February’s meme version, some people simply cannot, and that’s where the problem lies. Fair enough. But because I was able to view the recent craze as wholly separate from the original dance, I enjoyed the hell out of this video of Yale kids going hard in the snow. I LOVE COLLEGE. (By the way, I had five LONG paragraphs written about this but decided against them. Feel free to bring it up with me if you want.)

Jessica Chastain not winning Best Actress. That said, I’ve always liked J-Law so I’ll live.

Above & Beyond, for not playing “Alone Tonight” when I saw them live at Roseland Ballroom. To be fair, I was undeniably thrilled to see them live for — somehow —  the very first time, so I’m picking nits here.

Admitting to myself that I like Chris Brown’s new song “Fine China.” (But the music video is just a joke.)

That I pledged money to multiple March Madness pools this year. If there was ever a season NOT to bet on the tourney, it was this one, and I knew that and still put money down. Also, I was strangely very upset when Wichita State lost. And justifiably upset (like the rest of the world) when I saw what happened to Kevin Ware.

Pixar’s announcement that they’re coming out with a sequel to Finding Nemo, called Finding Dory. And yes, I realize that seemingly everyone else in the world reacted to this news with unabashed excitement, but the (Pixar) snob in me just wishes they would stop it with the damn sequels and go back to making good ORIGINAL pictures. Last time that happened? 2009. Obviously 2010’s Toy Story 3 was phenomenal, but they’re apparently planning to tarnish the franchise with a fourth installment. Sigh.

Avi’s Picks:

Arsenal. Sam and I want to kill ourselves. Also, that Robin van Persie has not yet broken his leg. (Note from Ike: who’s Sam?)

Getting sick three times in 2013 already.

Finding out that people hated Dame Shirley Bassey’s Oscars performance. HOW?? In the same vein, everyone hating on Seth MacFarlane’s job as the Oscar host.

Brave winning the Oscar for Best Animated Feature. Not that I saw it or anything, but damn, really? Talk about a down year; apparently that was the Oscar for Least Mediocre Animated Feature.

Missing out on seeing a BBC nature documentary featuring Daniel Craig’s narration in theaters.

Star Wars Episode VII.

Justin Timberlake’s comeback. Pretty weak in his Grammys performance. I don’t know how other people feel. “Suit & Tie” sounds kind of eh. I’ve never been a JT fan, but I can give him credit for his talent. This return to music after so long has been unmemorable thus far.

Oscar Pistorius going from double-amputee Olympic hero to double-amputee asshole who murders his girlfriend (who also happened to be the hottest woman in South Africa).

The NBA Dunk Contest. Did this even happen?

That the union of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian hasn’t caused hellfire to rain down upon the Earth. (Related addition from Ike: yeah but their baby is basically going to be the Devil so we’re getting close.)

Here’s to more disappointment.

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3 responses to “The Greatest Disappointments of the Year Thus Far

  1. With you guys on pretty much everything except the Justin Timberlake comeback. Listen to the whole album. He definitely made a comeback in full force.

    • Marcus, my friend, a weak Grammy performance (not helped by Jay-Z’s lazy stage presence) is no comeback in full force, even if it’s followed up by releasing a solid album.

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